How is it possible that we will have two babies in less than two months?!?!?!

When we hung this sign upstairs, I inwardly scoffed at the "babies" part of it, assuming that only one baby would ever sleep in the upstairs of our rented bungalow.  I didn't ever consider that we'd have two babies in two years ... that we would transform the office into a second nursery ... that there would be a baby monitor on both sides of our bed. But here we are; God clearly had other plans.

I had no idea what I was doing when we brought Zoe home from the hospital.

In fact, I had no idea what I was doing for awhile. I remember the first time she smiled in my general direction and I thought that maybe, just maybe, I was something more than breasturants, diaper changer and a bouncer.

 

I loved her at hello but it took awhile for me to fall in love with her. It took me even longer to fall in love with motherhood. But we got there. 

And we got here, where the idea of another baby isn't quite so scary. Where it doesn't take two hours of preparation to leave the house. Where she has ways to communicate and we can (kind of) decipher the words that come out of her mouth. Where the idea of a newborn "schedule," nighttime feedings and sleepy snuggles actually makes me excited.

It is strange to think that the baby that was our initiation into the crazy, randomness of parenthood will be the big girl that will be our constant. She will grow up never knowing life without her brother and we will tell her about when it was just her and she was so much fun but we knew there was more to our family.

So we cleaned out the office and put up a second crib. I have extra meals in the freezer and a google docs named "Baby Survival." We transitioned Zoe to one nap and spent a last "babymoon" night away. We have enjoyed our big girl becoming more interactive, creative and independent and we look forward to meeting our little boy.

Life with our toddler (almost 16 month old)

Sleeping. She continues to be a rockstar in this department, blessedly. All night and usually two naps.

Eating. Enjoying fruits, veggies and pasta. Not certain about meat but she tries it. Sometimes eats with a spoon or fork .... messy!!!! If you are eating something she likes, you better finish before she does because she will ask for your portion. Still drinking milk from a bottle but she has finally learned how to drink from a sippy cup without choking so we will soon work on the transition.

Walking. Running. Climbing. Dancing. 

Playing. Consists mostly of taking everything out, playing with any single item for 2 seconds and moving on. Her favorite things to carry around are a cords and a vodka bottle. The last month has brought a love of stuffed animals - puppy, lamby and a pink bunny that she calls "meow-me" (which was the name of her sitter's cat). At times, she will sit and read books at length, either by herself or with us.

Words. She talks so confidently and loudly you would not know that most of what she says makes no sense. She says our names and seems to have a word for Loki, along with her puppy and mewme. She tries to say "thank you" and "that?" regularly. She points to her feet/toes, nose and head/hair when asked.

Fun. She is more fun every day. We love watching her learn, listening to her laugh and helping her explore her little world. Every day is a gift.

She no longer sits still long enough to take good pictures but Auntie Gina got some good ones at Christmas-time:

Survive

I have thought a little bit of what my "word of the year" should be and each time I come up with the tongue and cheek answer of "survive." I think there will be a lot of days this year where we simply put one foot in front of the other, where we go with the flow and just try to make it til bedtime.

Most of the time I am slightly terrified of adding a baby to the mix; it feels like we just got things figured out with one kid. The reasonable side of me knows that it will be alright; that many people do it but the emotional side of me remembers how long it takes to breastfeed a newborn and the many hours we spent bouncing and shhhhhhhh-ing and crying. Zoe may not have been the world's easiest baby but I think she was fairly average. 

There will be a few weeks (I haven't actually figured out how long since it doesn't really matter - it is what it is) where we wont have an income. My PTO and short term disability will be used up and Christopher isn't teaching. Christopher is trying to finish his dissertation this year. And we aren't sure yet what we will do for child care once I do go back to work. The solution may involve me changing hours or changing jobs.

People often ask if we wanted to have our kids close together. The best answer I can give is "we do now." And then, someone says that I am a poster child for getting pregnant while breastfeeding. Thanks. I know. I know. 

Props to the people who have told me that they have done it that it is hard work at first but gets easier. Props to my friends who have reassured me that they loved growing up with siblings close in age.
Props to my new niece who demonstrated how wonderful it is to have a newborn fall asleep in your arms. (I had also forgotten how tiny they are and was reminded that baby boy will be much lighter than Zoe.)

I have been imagining (positive imagery people!) what it will be like to sit and nurse a baby while Zoe is running around and how we can go for walks with the Moby, stroller and Loki. I don't know what Zoe will be doing in a few months but I think she will quickly be getting to the stage of being more verbally redirect-able. I am working on independent play with Zoe and she is doing great. We are coming up with strategies for the sleep loss and planning to make lots of freezer meals. We are redecorating the office on a budget and are getting rid of things we don't need.

By the end of the year, we should be fairly adjusted to being a family of 4 and there should be many many paged of Christopher's dissertation written. We may even have a plan for the next years of life.

"Survive" may seem like a small goal and I know we will do much more than that but it seems like a good place to start.

7 surprising things about cloth diapering

From the moment I learned about cloth diapers, I knew that I wanted to cloth diaper any and all future children. Thankfully my husband was on board when it came to that point and we have happy been cloth diapering ever since. One year in and I'm (oddly) excited about the prospect of having two babies in cloth ... I see it as a challenge ... can we get by with the stash we have? how often would we have to wash diapers? will we like the same kind for our second baby? There are a few unexpected things about the cloth diapering part of our lives:

1. Conversations with my husband like this:

 (while driving)

Hubby: Oh yeah, that is definitely her poop face. She's been making it for a while.

Me: I don't think there is a liner in the diaper ...

Hubby: Which diaper is it? 

Me: The simplex side snaps

Hubby: That's okay, it's not the "cadillac" 

2. Joy when I realize that the stray wet bag I just found is filled with an unused diaper. 

3.  Frustration looking for the stray wet bag that I know has a dirty diaper in it. 

4. When meeting another mom or family that cloth diapers, I'm like "We must be best friends!" 

5. There are people (mainly mamas) who are obsessed about cloth diapers. Obsessed, I tell ya! - the newest print, "bum placement" having a full rainbow stash. I actually left a facebook group because it was too much for me. Now, to each their own but since one of our reasons for doing cloth is financial that actually depends on my not buying any more.

6. It actually helps me keep on top of - at least a little bit - the laundry. Knowing that diaper laundry is time specific (it usually has to be done when it has to be done and we will soon be needing to use those diapers) and knowing that it takes up the washer/drying for a part of diaper laundry day, actually encourages me to get the rest of the laundry done on the off times. 

7. Watching my dad/aka Grandpa fold cloth diapers is SUPER entertaining.

Do you cloth diaper? What would you add to this list??

We don't have many cloth diaper pictures but I like this one the best!

"You are our gift. You are our child."

Dear Baby,

We talked briefly about having another baby but the words still hung in the air when the lines showed up positive on the (five)pregnancy test(s). I said "the odds couldn't have been great" but you are not a number or a statistic, you are our child. I worried about having our kids so close together, about having two babies under two and how it would all work. I worried how I would deal with the exhausting and take care of both you and Zoe. I worried that it would somehow shortchange your sister and you.

 

And then we went to church and I held your sister while she played with my hair and tried to compete with the priest. And I knew then that you are not a problem to solve. You are not a challenge to overcome. You are our child, our gift. I don't need to worry if the car is big enough ... if the house is big enough ... if our bank account is big enough ... or if my heart is big enough.

 

You are our gift.

 

You are not the sum of the number of pounds I haven't lost since Zoe's pregnancy or the number of books we will have to move to put a crib in your Daddy's office or the number of hypothetical hours that are not sitting in my PTO bank at work.  

 

You are so much more than all those things (and in a few years, none of those things will matter). 

 

You are our gift from God.

 

He requires nothing from me than an open hand and heart with a good dose of thanksgiving. It will be hard and we will be tired but it will also be good and beautiful and right. 

 

For now, and for every day with you, I will say Thank You to God who created you and who holds you closer than we ever will. He knows your name; he has it written on his heart, on his hand. You are not a surprise to him. You are His creation that He gives to us for safe keeping.

 

And I am thankful.

I wrote that first bit months ago, when I was scared and surprised to find out that I was pregnant again. Thankfully those feelings quickly changed to gratitude and I've managed not to "schedule" the next several months or make lists of what needs to be done. I have mostly just been thankful (and tired). 

As the tiredness and nausea has faded, I have heard so many people say how great it is to have babies close together and I am looking forward to having a newborn during which the experience isn't totally new. 

We are pretty sure that, as with Zoe, Christopher will find out the sex of this baby and share it with two creatures: Zoe and Loki. He thinks the baby is another girl and I think the baby is a boy. Either way, we will be excited and happy. They will be 18 months apart. We know that it will be exhausting (but that's a trademark feeling of having a newborn baby, whether there are other children involved) but we also know that this is God's plan for our family. 

The baby is due mid-April and I think it will be fun to have a Spring baby this time around.

Our sweet girl who has no idea what the commotion is all about.