One Year

some thoughts about various things after almost exactly a year living in Franklin:

Work. It turns out that I really enjoy working in a tiny hospital. I love knowing that the radiology tech makes honey from the bees in his back yard and the details about a co-workers Germany trip with her Opa. I love that my co-worker brings me fish that he caught a few days before and that another co-workers makes pancakes for the whole hospital in the middle of the night.

It would be nice if we were busier ... which doesn't necessarily mean that I hope that people get sick ... it just means that I hope they come to our unit instead.

This week I am orientating and transitioning to the nursing supervisor role. I will work two shifts a week (still nights) as the supervisor and one in the ICU. This new role will technically makes me "nursing leadership" and the first person the other nurses will call when they need something ... anything - a prospect that both excites me (the problem-solving/nursing resource part) and makes me anxious (the "ummmm .... i think we have a patient in labor in the ED" part). However, I think that both the excitement and anxiety makes me eager to learn.

Life. Shortly after we moved to Franklin, Christopher and I took some sort of stress inventory and scored off the charts, which is what happens when you get married, leave your job and start another, move while your house is still on the market in a town 300 miles away and your husband starts doctoral school, all in about 8 months. It goes without saying that life now is easier and that the stress response has dwindled. We enjoy our apartment and have made some good friends here while still being able to see our family and friends in MN. I am thankful that we have worked to maintain and grow relationships over a distance and, at the same time, have been driving down roots with the people who will be by our side for the next several years.

It took some time to adjust the expectation that life in Milwaukee would be the same as life was in Rochester and, once I stopped looking for the same things, I became fulfilled with the new. We have lots of "couple friends" now and the habits and dynamics of "couple friends" are vastly different than our large, fairly fluid group of friends in Rochester. (that subject maybe deserves a whole other post.) We have settled on a church to attend after searching around for a church situation similar to the one we left. We have exchanged the numbered road system of Rochester for memorizing the streets that cross through Milwaukee and the suburbs. We have grown to love our multi-generational Bible study and fellowship after leaving Salt and Light.

And now we enter another school year with a better understanding of what to expect ... what we need to do to keep our relationship strong and fulfilling, how much work Christopher has to give to school work, what Loki needs from us to be happy and what it takes for us to grow and maintain relationships.

I have learned that when I am tempted to pack things up and run back to the familiar, it is best to go in search of the beauty that it right in front of me. And to give thanks for everything, new or familiar, challenging or comforting, difficult or routine.

Thankful Things

When we moved I knew that things would be hard and then things would get better. And then, suddenly, without warning, the homesick-ness would slap me and demand to know why I had forgotten about it because it is still very much there. It was a strange combination of things that caused that to happen.

 

We had two couples over for dinner last weekend and it was lovely - nice to cook with Chris for other people in our house, exciting to get to know these new friends better, and fun to teach them a new game. At one point I realized that it seemed a little strange as they were waiting for us to be "hosts." Apparently (of course!) entertaining is different when it is with people you just met vs. friends who have shared your life for several years. Why I didn't realize that before that evening is beyond me but I think I recovered enough so that it wasn't awkward. And while I am so thankful that they came and they were very polite guests, it made me miss that people who have "fridge rights" in our life and who will sit at our table and drink wine while we finish cooking and who help themselves to whatever they want.

 

Then, a few days later we accepted our buyers counter offer and we now have a closing date for the end of October.

 I AM thankful ... and (to be honest) also sad and relieved and frustrated that we will lose money. It is the last physical thing that ties us to Rochester and while I thought I had dealt with most of the sad feeling about moving and selling the house, having a date, a finite ending of that phase of my life, is sad. 

 

And so, Monday night had me curled up on the couch with a black ball of sleeping warmth in my lap wearing smart wool socks, sipping good earth tea and watching 24 on netflix.  Comfort things ... coping mechanisms. I'm not sure it is a grand idea to list the things I miss ... so I will do it only once ...  I miss my yard and the dirt beneath my hands ... I miss my old job for so many reasons ... I miss our friends (the things above are in part comfort things because they remind me of them) ... and dinners at Mom and Dad Brenna's ... and worship at Salt and Light. I know that I miss these things because they are good, because I am blessed, because God is faithful. He is faithful and will continue to provide, in this place, in this phase of life. And my gratitude list will continue to grow.

 

And so, for today ...

 

934. being thankful when it is hard

935. family

936. friends

937. my handsome husband's sweet kiss as he gets out of bed (and I get to sleep for much longer)

938.calling Chris' parents "Mom and Dad B" ... somehow, in the last few weeks, that has begun to stick and I like it. =)

939. I am thankful that our house will be sold next month. It is an answer to prayer and an example of God's provision.

940. New friends around our kitchen table

941. and a mostly successful "mission" to convince them that they also like board games  =)

942. yummy smells from the crock pot

943. Walking the dog through neighborhoods - instead of just apartment land

944. the smell of fall air

945. chunky peanut butter inside the kong, helping to keep Loki quiet while I sleep

946. Chris' listening ear as I talk/vent about my work schedule

947. fantastic deals at local grocery stores. (HyVee does not compare!)

948. encouragement from a woman I hardly know

949. hoodie weather

950. comfy socks

951. tea in my favorite mug

952. truth touching my heart

953. a leisurely walk through the orchard that is a few miles from our apartment

954. planning when to go home next

955. planning fun things to do with friends when they come to visit!!!

956. the cappuccino yielding house supervisor from last tonight

957. finishing P90X workouts and knowing I am getting stronger because of it

958. and ... ummm ... skipping P90X and going to get ice cream ...

959. spending an afternoon with my grandma

960. the flexibility to adjust schedules in order to have quality time

961. long conversations about money, the next few years, and what is really important to us

962. mornings when i get to fall asleep in my husband's arms

963. An improvised cookie recipe turning out okay -- our oven isn't working, we didn't have milk and I wanted to make them healthier - and, after all that, they are pretty tasty.

964. reading my sister-in-laws blog and knowing that we share the same feelings from moving even though we did it in different countries for different reasons and in a different stage of life.

965. layering clothes

966. the hat for Chris taking shape beneath my hands

Dear Rochester

Dear Rochester,
It has been a month since I have had a 55906 zip code and a bit longer since I have had a purple acorn tag on my license plate, a sign to the people in the know that I work for Mother Mayo. In many ways it was a hard month as I pinned for the calm, familiar things and streets that run north-south and east-west and kind of make sense and the easily accessible bike paths. I especially longed for the many friends that lived within 10 miles of my home and the dinner, coffee dates, walks and game nights that provided.

As I longed for the things of "home" I realized that I could either long or choose to be thankful, praying that saying good-bye and this transition and the things of my past will help me build a strong and vibrant future. 

There is comfort in knowing that we will be back. We will be back to visit family who are like friends and friends who are like family. We will be back (hopefully soon) to sign our house over to it new owner. We will be back for birthdays and Christmas and vacations -- and, even though it will be different, we will be back for dinner, coffee dates, walks and game nights.  We will be back, indulging in the oasis of my in-laws house and eventually bringing tiny babies back to be loved on. (don't read anything into that sentence, okay?)

The honest to goodness things I am leaving behind -- the electronic signature in patients' medical record, the various flowers planted in one small plot on East River Road, the epithelial cells and sweat on the bear creek trail -- don't compare to what I have taken with me even though they did contribute to my quality of life. (that is SO a nursing phrase)

In a strange and hopeful way, I hope that leave Franklin/the Milwaukee area hurts as much as leaving Rochester did ... because then I will have been involved, I will have connected, I will have lived

and I will have loved.

Being thankful in Franklin

809. Last week was much better than the week before.
810. We have begun to develop some kind of routine
811. Our apartment has begun to look like our home

You remember when you move and you walk in the door of your new place and instead of just seeing all of the boxes you see your home? That is certainly an "awesome" moment. And it happened for me last week. Along those lines, my sister-in-law (and her family) just moved to a new home in Beijing, and she wrote the other day that her goal is to have everything in place (pictures on the wall and all boxes unpacked) by Sept. 1st. I am joining her and adopting that goal.

812. We had our first visitor this weekend (more on that later, it deserves a post all of it's own)
813. Our family and friends. It was hard to leave Rochester but we left with lasting relationships, knowing that we are loved.
814. My in-laws and our friend Mark who drove with us over to Franklin on a very hot day and helped us move all our belongings from the truck into our apartment.
815. Encouragement.

It seems like each time I open my e-mail or facebook or the mail box, there is a note of encouragement from someone who is thinking of us. From dear, close friends to seemingly random friends of our parents, I have felt loved and encouraged. Thanks you!

816.the Psalms
817. management at the apartment who quickly fixed our laundry list of problems

I must admit, I was annoyed when we moved in and several things seemed wrong. Our sink leaked, several outlets didn't work, the carpet in the office smelled like cat, there wasn't a lock on the bathroom door. So we made our list and Chris went over to the office and talked with them. The very next day, four maintenance men showed up and fixed everything, with exception to the carpet which they replaced on Friday. Not bad, not bad at all. I'm also enjoying the fact that I don't own the washer that leaks profusely in the basement. I may like renting after all ...

818. talking on the phone with my mother-in-law. never really did that when we lived 2 minutes from them and it is fun.
819. Oh and they (my in-laws) are planning to come and visit us next week.

Chris is going home/to Rochester this coming weekend and I was/still am a little disappointed that I can't go 'cuz I am working but wanted to see them before they left on their big trip. So, his parents are going to come over here. And that makes me feel loved and happy.

820. Discovering what is around us -- restaurants, shops, neighborhoods, biking trails.
821. My parents visit
822. Being 20-30 minutes away for my grandma.
823. Going to her house for dinner. comfortable and familiar
824. time ... to read, knit and reflect
825. Netflix (this has nothing to do with the previous one)
826. News that Kristi (my good friend and old college roommate) is out of the hospital and her little gummy bear (baby just in case you were wondering) is doing well.
827. And the card she sent me today with this quote in it:

"embrace the wonder and excitement each day brings. For tomorrow affords us new opportunities ... time to experience ... time to create ... time to reflect ... time to dream."

828. Making goals for the next few years

about life

Transition: movement, passage or change from one position, state, stage to another.

As I sit here starring at the blank box in front of me that is waiting to be filled with many fun updates the only words I really want to write is "I want to go home" or perhaps "I want this place to feel like home" and so perhaps it is better to say it and not ignore the elephant in my office. Have I mentioned that I don't really take to change well? And in the past week I have moved and started a new job? Oh, and my husband starts school in two weeks? I didn't fully grasp how much I would miss our friends and family - not to mention Rochester in general and that little house I love (and still own). And so I have struggled ... to be thankful for the relationships and memories and to remember that we are supposed to be here. And so now that I have said it, I can ask you to pray and move on.

(By the way, I think they should call PhD school something other than "school" because it doesn't really fall under my definition of "school". Maybe I'll come up with some other options ... )

So ... um, do you want to see some pictures of the greatness of the last month?

FYI: if you ever have the conversation with your spouse (or yourself) if it would be better to take some time off of work and travel with family and friends or move right away and start making money, always choose the first option. you wont regret it.

In and around Beijing with the Brenna/Butz family:

We ate amazing food and hiked up some really old steps

We sweated and found and bartered for treasures

We played Mario Cart and Pandemic

We relaxed and celebrated

We laughed and loved

BWCA (Boundary Waters Canoe Area) trip with 5 amazing ladies

a portage trail

Lake One to Hudson Lake, about 21.5 miles paddled and 1.6 miles portaged

We packed smart and portaged once

We problem solved, navigated and improvised

We slept on an island and had our own private lake

We threw our food up in trees at night and napped in the afternoon

We basked in the wonder of fog rising off, crystal clear water and fantastic stars above us

Murder Mystery Party, last days in Rochester

LOVE all their faces!

Thanks guys for an amazing time!

First days in Franklin

(I hesitated to call these "Loki's Adventures" because that seemed too crazy, over the top - dog owner-ish)

his place to hide

looking for a park that overlooks the lake

hot and happy

I have much to be thankful for.

Now I am going to read my Bible with my dog in my lap before going to sleep next to my husband.

And that is a darn good definition of "home"

random thanksgiving and thoughts

448. Kleenex
449. Soft pillows and warm blankets
450. Savoring every last bite of the monte cristo sandwich Chris made
451. Time to rest while being sick.
452. An incredible, productive shopping trip with my mother-in-law, where I found a wonderful suit (which was then bought for me as an early birthday gift). Oh, and I rocked that suit at my interview last week.
453. Wind swirling through the leaves
454. Reading aloud to my husband and having him read to me.
455. Sleep
456. Learning more about how our dog's brain works
457. The white wagon wheels resting against the trees along side the driveway to my g'mas farm.
458. The blackboard in my grandma's kitchen announcing the new additions to our family.
459. Snow in WI in May.
460. My 9 year old cousin's explanation about why she does not wear matching socks: "I get a sense of ennui when my socks match." (it is french for boredom)
461. My grandma explaining who the people are in her wedding pictures
462. Tea steeped in a real tea pot
463. Lazy mornings at home
464. The sound of lawn mowers ...
465. and the smell of fresh cut grass
466. Making our bed with clean sheets
467. Counting the days and then hours and then miles and minutes until I got home to my love. (Seriously, I was only gone 3 days so it wasn't all that bad.)
468. A ride home alone to reflect.
469. The CD player in my car
470. Completing competencies at work
471. Chips and salsa
472. Finding rest in God's promises
473. new leaves on the trees
474. warm socks

475. Have I mentioned that we have tickets to China? And by "have" I mean that our tickets were given to us by my generous and gracious in-laws, which is a complete blessing. So:
476. We are going to China
477. with the entire Brenna family
478. for two weeks in July!!!!!!!!!!

and for a girl who loves to travel and enjoys the excitement of looking forward to things, this is a big deal. Oh, and I didn't plan a thing. I woke up one day (from a night shift) and it was all said and done.
THANK YOU!!

hmm ... what else?

I interviewed last week at a new, tiny hospital in a South suburb of Milwaukee. The ICU is opening up next month. St. Mary's (where I currently work) has something like 800 beds and I work in a 22 bed neuro ICU. The new, tiny hospital has 26 total beds and the ICU is opening 6 beds. Talk about a world of difference. But I am intrigued; I think it would be neat and challenging and would give me a sense of ownership in my job. So, I'll wait to hear from them.

While we prepare to move and all the stuff that goes with that, it is easy for me to get all caught up in what I think should happen and in what time frame I think it should happen and how it should happen and what we have to do for it to happen. God will provide. It may be exactly what we hoped it would be or it may be different, or longer but it will all be his provision.

I don't want to miss God's blessings because I am too busy expecting something else.



479. God's provision

Milwaukee

Milwaukee:

- The 22nd largest city in the US with over 1.5 million people.

- 277 miles from Rochester, 330 from Hastings and 6,500 from Beijing.

- Packer land, where movement stops for a couple of hours on Sundays during football season and Farve makes headlines daily.

- A short drive to a little cottage on a crooked lake in Northern WI.

- Home to the headquarters of Harley Davidson, Roundy's and Kohls.

- And Marquette University, a Catholic, Jesuit university where Chris recently got accepted to school for the fall.

It does seem a little strange that after months of waiting and praying and talking and planning we actually know where we will call home for the next several years. The day we found out was anti-climatic as Chris has injured his fingers earlier that morning, crushing them between two railroad ties and resulting in bruising and a very tiny fracture, a trip to the ER and a tetanus shot. So, I read him the acceptance letter as he laid on the couch with his hand elevated with ice and some strong pain medication pumping through his body. And later, when I climbed into bed, he mumbled "so ... what do you think of Marquette." A few days later, it was official: we are moving to Milwaukee, a decision which made many people happy (as the other possibly cities were Washington D.C and Toronto) and is a clear answer to prayer.

So, our house became a little work in progress as we (and by "we" I mean Chris, his dad and a friend of ours, with some assistance from our Bosnian neighbor) began panting our entryway and living room cream and continue to work on our retaining wall out front. And we are talking about taking advantage of that small amount of time before he starts school and when I am in between jobs - China, the Boundary Waters, Crooked Lake, hmmmm ... what else? ...

oh yeah, moving.

And I look at our half painted walls and am thankful for friends and family, willing to give their time and energy to help us make our home appealing to potential buyers. I drive into work and am thankful for my job at the WFMC. I look around the room at church and am thankful for the awesome people who we have been doing life with the last several years. I go out and speak words of encouragement to the small stalks growing up towards the sun in our backyard and am thankful for the house where friendships grew and love blossomed.

And for a girl who doesn't like change, I am finding comfort in being thankful for the blessings of today and excited in the hope of tomorrow.

Spring is coming.

228. praying with my husband
229. snow melting
230. Game night with friends, the first "married" thing we have done with another married couple
231. cuddling fresh babies
232. giving things away
233. and selling things too
234. Day shifts!!!
235. Getting up early enough to eat breakfast before said day shifts. (I haven't done that in years ... )
236. Feeling prepared for the week ahead
237. getting rides home from work
238. celebrating birthdays
239. breakfast made by my husband and friends, ready for me when I got up (it was so pretty, I should have taken a picture)
239a. and the kitchen being spotless
240. goals
241. routine
242. my husband making up words just for me
243. a full house with the sights (lots of shoes by the front door), sounds (laughter) and smells (smoked pork) of dinner cooking.
244. good wine
245. a quiet night spent reading
246. water
247. Looking for and finding balance.
248. Learning from patient education pamphlets
249. Reading stories of my husband as a young boy courtesy of his (our) sister overseas
250. Reading through Jesus' life and miracles
251. searching the files in my mind for biology knowledge hidden - or maybe lost (mitosis and meiosis)
252. no alarm clock mornings
253. watching Loki slide on the re-frozen ice on top of the side walks. his booties have no traction and it is soooooo funny
254. walking with co-workers during lunch
255. birds singing
256. evergreens
257. a conversation at work:

my co-worker: "what kind of soup is that?"
me: "my roommate made it -- it's vegetable/bean/potato soup."
my co-worker: " ... you guys have a roommate?"
um ... oh yeah ... newsflash: she is now in Africa and I am married with a husband-roommate
thanks, Linds, the soup was yummy and reminded me of you =)

258. finding peace from our realtor's website ("people should remember that they are selling a home and not the memories")
259. and words spoken to my husband from a place deep with in me: "leaving will be sad because our time here has been so good."
260. lists here and there of things that I am thankful for 'cuz my week has been full of fun, satisfying and rewarding things.

sometimes, it's the little things ...

Last Friday my roommate moved to Texas. When I came home from work I parked closer to the center of my garage than normal, which does make it easier to get in and out of my car in my small garage. I got the mail, a task that my roommate Lindsay does with a lot more regularity than I. I walked into her (basically empty room), closed the blinds and shut the door. I ate the vegetable soup that really looked like mud that she made the day before. And I reflected on God's provision, faithness and goodness.



Then I looked in an empty closet and thought of the games we will put there when Chris moves in - in one month!!!! And I found the dog treats in the bottom of the other closet. And a package came in the mail ... gifts for his neice and nephew for Chirstmas. All reminders of what is to come.



Today I am thankful for the little things (number 109) which make me thankful for the past, excited for the future and remind me of my many blessings.

change

I am thankful for change.

I don't really like change and it's not normal for me to say that I am thankful for change during it. It probably helps that this change is the best kind for me, anticipated, planned and a whole lota fun.

My friend and roommate is moving out. Her stuff and furniture was picked up today. I expected to feel a bit sad (afterall, not only is she moving to TX but she is going to Togo for about nine months) but instead we talked about God's faithflness and provision, for both of us and for those we love. The timing, while it wasn't planned by us, has been perfect and, for me at least, has lead to closure. And we know we will still be friends when there is an ocean between us; we have practiced that for the last six months.

And now there is space in my house. Space that will be filled with books and things. And my life will be filled with a neice and a nephew, two sister in laws, a dog and a husband. a husband.

wow.

And we talk about other change ... moving, him starting doctoral school, me starting a new job. This change weighs more heavily on him than on me.

And during this change, I want to be mindful of God's provision and his faithfulness. I want to be excited about living with my new husband and settling into the house, our house. I want to prayerfully consider how I can support him. I want to enjoy and be thankful for my friendships. And I want to allow myself to enjoy the still quiet moments.

my blessings overflow

77. Talking about love languages with my friends
78. A cousin home from Iraq for a couple of weeks
79. Using every plate, fork and knife in my house to make a nice dinner for our friends
80. God's faithfulness
81. Safe drives to and from family
82. dinner with extended family. Thanksgiving dinner or any kind
83. Christmas lights!
84. Being welcomed and loved by my future in-laws
85. grasshopper pie and cranberry pudding
86. eating dessert for breakfast. WHY does this seem acceptable at grandma's house?
87. 48 days til my name changes
88. a lovely shower with both sides of my family there. (the gifts literally overflow)
89. my house
90. anticipating making my house our home
91. the warmth of a little doggy sitting on my lap
92. piano music
93. Change

It has been encouraging and fun to read what others are thankful in the gratitude community over at Holy Experience